Wednesday 29 May 2019

147 views • anonymous public entryAdd to bookmarksReport abuse

Another day comes with more stress. My hands are shaking just typing this, the annoyance of not being able to do something that I should be able to gets to me. I shouldn't be this riled up, think think. A band of light shines at the top of my head, it's warmth making me acutely aware of the sensations there. It moves down my face, I can feel tingling and the rush of my breath past my lips and nostrils. I learned this grounding meditation in counseling, I use it often and I calm easily. It's 8:11 in the morning, I'm in class and am allowed to use my computer. I'm scared but also restless to graduate, even if I have to take a few finals for my classes. Chemistry will definitely be one of said classes. That's fine. I'm pretty good with chem. My body feels like it's rejecting me most days. It's fine, I'm fine. I will be fine. My allergies have my sinuses all clogged up, creating phlegm in my throat, I have to stop drinking milk for the rest of spring or start taking benadryl with my xyzal, this is miserable. I wish I could feel the arms of my loved ones' arms around me. To feel their warm embraces as I drift off into sleep. To feel their lips on my shoulders and neck, not sexual in any manner. Just a tactic to keep me calm. These people don't deserve me, and I don't deserve them. THey deserve much better than this wreck of self conscious, selfish nerves that makes up this poor person's soul. I should find one of my anxiety sigils, the power will keep me in this state for a little while but I'll be fine after a while. I hope at least. I'll try to log onto that site again, hopefully it'll let me in this time. I'll try to write again this afternoon.

They like this entry:
  • EdelwS-en
Share entry
sierrahomen :

Don't beat yourself up love!! You'll get through this year with no problems, I promise!! I know we probably don't know each other but I'm always here if you need any help!!